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Friday, 13 August 2010

Dumb and Dumber

My friend Irene send this and it really makes you think.

GOD: 
Frank, you know all about gardens and  nature. What in the world is going on down there  on the planet? What happened to the dandelions,  violets,  milkweeds and stuff I  started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance  garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of  soil, withstand drought and multiply with  abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting  blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and  flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast  garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.

St.  FRANCIS: 

It's  the tribes that settled there, Lord. The  Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers  'weeds' and went to great lengths to kill them  and replace them with grass.

GOD: 

Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not  colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds  and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's  sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites  really want all that grass growing  there?
 

ST.  FRANCIS:
Apparently so, Lord. They go to great  pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin  each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning  any other plant that crops up in the  lawn.
 

GOD: 
The  spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the  Suburbanites happy.
 

ST.  FRANCIS:
 Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.
 

GOD: 
They cut it? Do they then bale it like  hay?
 

ST.  FRANCIS: 
Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put  it in bags.
 

GOD: 
They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell  it?

ST.  FRANCIS: 

No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
 

GOD:
 Now,  let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it  away?
 

ST.  FRANCIS: 
Yes,  Sir.
 

GOD: 
These Suburbanites must be relieved in the  summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves  them a lot of work.
 

ST.  FRANCIS: 
You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the  grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they can  continue to mow it and pay to get rid of  it.

GOD: 

What  nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees.  That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say  so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring  to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In  the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a  natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and  protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural  cycle of life.
 
ST.  FRANCIS: 

You  better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have  drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.
 

GOD:
 No!?  What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?
 

ST.  FRANCIS: 
After throwing away the leaves, they go  out and buy something which they call mulch.  They haul it home and spread it around in place  of the leaves.
 

GOD: 
And  where do they get this mulch?
 

ST.  FRANCIS: 
They cut down trees and grind them up to make the  mulch.
 

GOD: 
Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us  tonight?
 

ST.  CATHERINE: 
'Dumb and Dumber', Lord.  It's a story about....
 

GOD: 
Never mind, I think I just heard the whole  story from St.  Francis.
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5 happy thoughts:

Deanna said...

Too funny! So true! but too funny!

Parsley said...

This is why I only water my lawn when it starts to die...I don't want to be dumb and have to complain about mowing it!

Roz said...

Brilliant!

Crystal said...

LOVE THIS!!!! I agree!!!

Vintage Style Downunder said...

Hi Elsina...that is hilarious!! AND HOW TRUE!! Makes me feel REAL GOOD right now about my extra long lawn...been too wet to mow it (and rake it and pay...no, joking..put it in the compost)...but every day I think how unkempt it looks...then I stop looking!!
I see you have become one of my followers..thankyou! That's lovely...a new friend in Israel, no less...awesome!
Nice to 'meet' you!..see you again soon :)
jessie, new zealand